Hi nb dfed,
It's all about power and control. A big complaint I used to have was that you never heard about good accomplishments in the same way you heard about peoples misfortunes or change of status ie: Removed or deleted as Elder, MS, or pioneer. DFed or DAed. Sister so-in-so's Hubby cheated on her, or visa-versa. Nobody spread the word that so-in-so was back on the pioneer list or so-in-so is a MS or Elder. Bad news always was the first to spread. The WTS has the dubs trained to jump at the first chance to turn someone in for a mistake. Everyone seemed to just love DIRT!
My wife Tinkerbell4125 and I went through a similar deal. None of the Elders or friends came to visit or call us until one of Tinks Bro-in-laws saw a Xmas card at her sister's (Sister wasn't a JW), then they descended on us like the plague.
I'm sorry to hear what you went through. I wouldn't answer the phone anymore if you know it's from one of the Elders.
We have a neighbor who is a JW. Her husband isn't a JW. When she found out by talking with my wife we were DAed, she called up my father (at the time was an Elder) and asked for the situation on us and what to do. She then had an Elder from her Hall call us with the same deal as the Elder who called you. Long story short, she was told that because we didn't write a letter to DA ourselves and the Congregation Elders made the choice to announce our DAing, as if we did write a letter, than "technically" in his mind, we weren't DAed. So she tried to become friends with Tink. That lasted about 5 minutes. Tink politely told her we were never going back to the WTS, period. That solved that. She hasn't bothered us since.
Wish you the best with your situation.
CC